The Guilt Trap ~ Does It Serve You?
Guilt is a stabilizing emotion. I would like to say I don’t consider it a very useful emotion but on the other hand I do believe it is a very necessary one. The main issue I have with guilt is, as humans we tend to hold onto it far longer than we should. Often times allowing it to control us to extremely unhealthy degrees.
I could live in guilt if I allowed myself to; there was a period of my life when it was by all definition the guiding force that drove many of my decisions. I internalized my guilt and gave it power over me without realizing just how much I was hurting myself by doing so. Guilt is one of those emotions that has a spiral effect. Meaning to feel guilt for one thing, turns into feeling guilt for something else entirely, and so on and so forth. The hardest part for me has always been the guilt I’ve felt when I know I’ve done something to offend or hurt another person. As always, the irony being I was more often than not, either failing to equate myself into the situation or I was allowing my guilt to control me to the degree I felt my needs did not matter as much as the other persons. How unhealthy is that?
The fact that guilt is an emotion that can easily be manipulated, is a defining reason why it is important to recognize and question it. It saddens me there are people who will attempt to use guilt against you in order to manipulate you into conforming to their way of life, but the truth of the matter is it happens far too often than not. I myself have been on the giving end of guilt in more ways than one. I believe it is part of flawed human nature. We tend to live life on our terms, often not fully grasping the impact of our behavior on those around us. Insert awareness.
The reality that I have come to understand when it comes to guilt is, it has far more to do with our own internal battles than it does with anything or anyone else. Others are only provided the tools to use guilt as a weapon if we ourselves have unresolved issues within us that allow them to. The choice lies with whether or not we are willing to internalize someone else’s reality while allowing it to fester as our own. Or whether we are willing to ask the right questions of ourselves to gain a better understanding of whats seeking acknowledgment within our own reality. Questioning ourselves gives us an opportunity to decide how much of the guilt has to do with our own actions being out of alignment with our life purpose vs. the actions of someone else entirely who’s projecting whatever internal issues about themselves they may be harboring.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”d8CIb” via=”no” ]You are never required to carry guilt due to someone else’s internal issues.[/ctt]
This was an extremely eye-opening realization for me. Guilt was so deeply rooted in my life at one time. I did not have the knowledge to understand that much of my guilt was due to other people’s behavior which in reality had nothing to do with me at all. Yet, I would internalize it within myself as if it were. The journey of discovering how I internalized guilt, has been very helpful for me in moving past it much more quickly in my life now. One because, I am able to feel it, give it a name and in so doing so also give myself an opportunity to understand the underlying issues associated with why I’m feeling guilt at any given time. In addition I am able to determine which of my own actions are contributing to either being the giver or the receiver of guilt. Guilt is one of those emotions that when we are feeling it, the go to response can often be running from it in an effort to avoid it, by instead casting blame if not on ourselves then on others.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”f5KS0″ via=”no” ]We so often in life wish to control things around us, when in reality the only sure thing we have control over is ourselves.[/ctt]
If we are making decisions in our life that align with who we are, the less we should feel guilt for the decisions that we make in accordance with simply doing our very best in any given situation. If we find ourselves in circumstances that do not align with who we are, which is bound to happen considering we are very much humanly flawed. We can then allow ourselves to process through the feelings of guilt for not honoring ourselves, through the process of forgiveness. We can also then extend forgiveness to others who may have played a role in attempting to manipulate their position to their advantage. Sometimes the act of manipulation is intentional, other times they are not. It’s not up to us to determine someone else’s motives for the choices they make in their life. It is up to us to decide of we are being fully present as ourselves + if we are willing to make adjustments as necessary within ourselves and move forward. Sometimes that movement is in a completely different direction away from those who have chosen a different path for themselves. You are the only person who can truly determine that for yourself.
Guilt is a tool that allows us to better understand our role. Most importantly to ourselves, then to others that join us on our journey. There are absolutely times when guilt has no fault or blame. There is no right vs. wrong, no if only I had, no what if’s, no why did/didn’t I’s. It is simply the emotion showing us an area of our life that could use some attention. We can always benefit from less fear of our emotions (Link: Embrace The Dark Side)
It is perfectly okay to release guilt once you’ve sifted through the root of it, in fact I highly recommend it. Holding on for dear life to guilt is a definite recipe for internal turmoil that no longer serves to add to your growth in life.
Moving into a New Year is always an amazing opportunity to find closure by releasing what no longer serves you. Guilt can often be one of those emotions that is holding you back, causing you unnecessary grief that requires release in order to reach the next leg of your journey. If you are in a position to make amends in circumstances where you have felt you’re the giver of guilt, then do so as quickly as possible. If you are holding onto guilt that needs released, then make a promise to yourself to do the work necessary to let it go. Carrying the least amount of baggage into the New Year. Set yourself up for a successful transition into the start of what is to come. This is as good a time as any to release what is no longer serving your growth. Add outdated guilt to the top of your list.
Are you ready so say goodbye to the guilt of 2016?
