Why do we fear our ability to dive deeper within ourselves so much?
I could spend countless hours, as in 24 of them, completely attempting to avoid tapping into the areas of my life I feel the most inadequate. Before I know it, those 24 hours have turned into days that have carried over into years. Where did the time go?
We can literally spend years of our life saturated in fear. The irony being fear of change that is still happening all around us every minute of every day. Time is a universal language.
Avoiding the aspects of ourselves that we would rather not confront out of fear, hinders our ability to be fully present as who we are to the people around us. Furthermore, it hinders our ability to be fully present with ourselves. It can feel like an endless cycle of traveling to nowhere. We can feel stuck without grasping the exact cause of what we feel is an inability to move forward. We can just as easily list all of the outside sources we do feel are “causing” us to feel locked up inside a prison, indefinitely. I mean, it makes sense right? Naturally, I am surrounded by all these exterior moments hell-bent on keeping me in my place of comfort that truthfully don’t feel comfortable at all. Surely, I am not avoiding myself because once this THING goes away, I’ll have more clarity. right?
Here’s the THING, even though we may think we are hiding our flaws, what we have deemed as inadequate within us. They are in fact standing front and center begging to be acknowledged. To be loved and accepted, not shunned nor reprimanded for their existence. They are asking to have a voice in the ways they can help us to see ourselves in a better light. They are holding their hands out to be recognized for their value in our lives. Teaching us new ways of accepting the person we are at our core, authentically.
This journey to self discovery as difficult as it has been for me, ultimately is what has provided me with the courage to not only allow myself to be more open and vulnerable; It has been the backbone to my willingness to accept my flaws. Going deeper has given me tools to view life in ways which help me to separate my flaw from the power to overshadow the very best parts of who I know myself to be. Albeit, flaws are not the end all be all of any aspect of who we are as a person.
Taking the time to be open and honest with ourselves about the aspects within us that we fight tooth and nail to avoid, is a stepping stone to creating change in our lives that we can feel good about.
Each time you move past fear there arrives a deep sense of love from within for the courageous person that you are, for honoring your voice even through the rough patches of life. (See: Embrace The Dark Side) Doing so all while also offering words of encouragement just as you would to a loved one. Practicing mindful ways to tap into those areas have helped tremendously for me. Prayer + yoga and meditation have been a go to for me.I am a huge advocate for therapy, after getting past the shame of feeling inadequate for seeking help, I was able to find a therapist who fit well with my personality. Talking to someone who I’ve been able to share some of the more tender areas of my journey with minus the fear of judgement, further encouraged my desire to dive deeper. Everyone is different, journey is personal, anything you find as a means to explore your inner voice with compassion, love, and understanding is the goal.
In complete honesty, the most challenging part of digging deeper into the patterns of dysfunction that I’ve created throughout my life, has been refocusing my thoughts. My habit was in thinking that by digging I’m not actually “doing” anything to “fix” them. Meaning by definition, I am a doer/fixer, I want to feel like I’m actively doing something to alleviate my pain rather than simply just being. Not realizing that the act of allowing myself to be, honoring my voice, accepting my flaws, loving myself through the areas that are more difficult than others is doing the work. Instead of working against myself while drowning myself in a sea of self-defeating patterns, I am choosing to provide myself with a listening ear to the parts of myself that are asking to be heard, that is absolutely doing something. In digging deeper into myself to better understand all parts that make up the inner working of me, I have slowly been able to release some old patterns that were no longer serving a purpose towards my growth. With time all of those acts of “doing” begin to add up in ways that multiply your ability to begin to see new patterns emerging.
Feeling discouraged is inevitable while processing through some of the more sensitive areas of our personal journeys. It is very natural to feel exposed in ways that are unfamiliar. That is the work of mindfully digging deeper. Stay committed, taking time to back off when necessary. There isn’t a race to get to your destination, it is absolutely okay to go at what pace works best for you. The only person who can determine that pace is you. As long as you’re working towards finding that balance within, you will reach your destination in perfect time. Be sure to thank yourself for each level of the journey, you deserve it. Committing to learning more about yourself and the ways you relate to the world is something to feel proud of. You are going against the grain and creating a life that you are worthy of living. You are opening yourself up to experiencing life on your terms. You are moving past fear into bravery.
What are some ways you work towards digging deeper in your life?
| Shameless Voices |
(photo credit: my adorable God daughter Keira)
