Why do we fear our ability to dive deeper within ourselves so much?
I could spend 24 hours doing everything possible to avoid the parts of my life where I feel most inadequate. Before I know it, those 24 hours turn into days, and the days quietly stack into years. Where did the time go? We can spend years of our lives soaked in fear. And here’s the irony: the very change we’re afraid of is happening around us anyway, every minute of every day. Time doesn’t wait for us to feel ready.
Feelings of inadequacy don’t define us; I have to remind myself of that constantly. But avoidance has a way of making them feel permanent. When we avoid the parts of ourselves we don’t want to confront, we lose our ability to be fully present. Not just with the people around us, but with ourselves. It becomes an endless cycle of traveling nowhere. We feel stuck without knowing exactly why, and it’s so much easier to blame the outside world for locking us in place.
It makes sense, right? It feels like life keeps throwing circumstances at us designed to keep us “comfortable,” even when that comfort doesn’t feel comfortable at all. Surely I’m not the one avoiding myself. Once this one thing changes, I’ll finally have clarity… right?
Here’s the thing: even when we think we’re successfully hiding our flaws, they’re not hiding at all. They’re standing front and center, asking to be acknowledged, not shunned, not punished for existing. They want a voice. They’re trying to show us ourselves in a better light, holding out their hands to be recognized for the value they bring to our lives. They’re waiting to teach us how to accept who we are at our core.
This journey to self-discovery hasn’t been easy, but it’s given me the courage to be more open and vulnerable. It’s become the backbone of my willingness to accept my flaws. Going deeper has taught me how to separate a flaw from its power to overshadow the best parts of who I am. Flaws are real, but they are never the whole story of who we are.
I can recall a time when I feared abandonment so heavily that I’d push the buttons in a relationship on purpose. Hard enough to make the person walk away just so I could confirm what I already believed: that no one ever really sticks around. Then I’d get to say it. See, I knew it.
Being honest with ourselves about the things we fight hardest to avoid is a stepping stone toward change we can actually feel good about.
Every time you move past fear, you feel a deeper love for the courageous person you are for honoring your voice, even through the rough patches. (Related: Embrace the Dark Side of Life)
Treat yourself the way you’d treat someone you love: with encouragement, not judgment. For me, prayer, yoga, and meditation have been the tools that make this possible.
I’m also a huge advocate for therapy. It took me a while to get past the shame of thinking I needed help, but once I found a therapist who fit my personality, everything shifted. Being able to share the tender parts of my journey without fear of judgment pushed me to dig even deeper.
Everyone’s journey looks different. However, you get to choose to explore your inner voice with compassion, love, and understanding; that’s the goal.
Honestly, the hardest part of confronting my own patterns of dysfunction has been retraining my thoughts. I’m a doer. A fixer. I used to believe that if I wasn’t actively “fixing” something, I wasn’t doing anything at all.
What I didn’t realize is that allowing myself to simply be, honoring my voice, accepting my flaws, and loving myself through the hard parts is the work. Choosing to listen to the parts of myself asking to be heard, instead of drowning them out, is absolutely doing something. The more I’ve dug into what makes me “me”, the more I’ve been able to release old patterns that no longer served my growth. Over time, all that “doing” adds up, and new patterns start to emerge in its place.
Feeling discouraged along the way is inevitable. Processing the sensitive parts of your story will make you feel exposed in unfamiliar ways; that’s what mindful digging looks like. Stay committed, and give yourself permission to back off when you need to. There’s no race here. Go at the pace that works for you; you’re the only one who gets to set it.
As long as you’re working toward that inner balance, you’ll get there in perfect time. Thank yourself at every stage of the journey; you’ve earned it. Committing to understanding yourself and how you relate to the world is something to be proud of. You’re going against the grain to build a life you’re worthy of living, on your own terms.
You are moving past fear into bravery.
What are some ways you work toward digging deeper in your own life? Share in the comments below.
| Shameless Voices |
(Photo credit: my adorable God-daughter, Keira)
