The Weight

Shame, guilt, flaws and the things we carry when no one’s looking

There’s a weight that by definition is the amount that a thing weighs and characterized by burden and/or pressure.

You carry it into rooms and into relationships. You carry it into the mirror, some mornings, before you’ve even said a word to yourself. It’s the weight of shame or even guilt that is still being carried around as a heavy burden. The weight of every flaw you’ve catalogued about yourself in the quiet, dark hours when nobody was there to argue to the contrary.

I know this weight. I’ve carried versions of it for most of my life: some of it mine to carry, some of it handed to me by people who hadn’t taken the time to sift through their own weight and lay it down. And I’ve learned that the weight doesn’t lift because you wish it away or push it further down. It lifts because you finally choose to take a deep look at what it is you’re actually carrying and why.

This is where I write about the weight we tend to carry. Not from a place where I’ve got it all figured out, but the version of me that continues to sift through what comes up in moments where I seek clarity over confusion.

What “the weight” actually is

Shame tells you something is wrong with you. That’s simply a lie. I wrote about this in the guilt trap ~ does it serve you, because guilt and shame like to travel together. Guilt says “I did something wrong.” Shame says “I am wrong.” Both are weights we get to unlearn, gaining new perspective along the way so the burdens in our lives don’t get to live our life for us.

Flaws are part of it too, the parts of ourselves we’ve decided are unacceptable, the parts we hide even from the people who love us. I don’t believe flaws are the enemy, I think the hiding behind them is. That’s a lot of what honor your gift of life is really about, underneath the surface: learning that the gift is awareness and acceptance for the parts you don’t like about yourself + the courage to say them out loud to create healthy boundaries for your heart. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Then we have the seasons: the funks, the ruts, the days the weight just sits on your chest and won’t move. I wrote about one of mine in funks don’t last always. I wrote it from inside the funk, where I knew I had to sit in the discomfort in order to gain a better understanding through a space of vulnerability.

Why I don’t separate this from faith

Some spaces will tell you shame is purely psychological + guilt is purely a mind thing to manage. I don’t experience it that way, and I won’t write about it that way here. My faith is where I’ve done a lot of my unpacking of this weight: sitting with scripture, sitting with prayer, sitting in the discomfort of realizing some of what I was carrying was never mine to carry.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

That’s not a detour from the topic. For me, it is the topic. I spent 8 years in therapy sifting through the nooks and crannies of my life and I will always be a huge advocate for seeking a professional who you genuinely feel comfortable with. It makes all the difference. One who provides you with different perspectives you may never have come up with on your own, that’s the purpose of unpacking the weight, while leaning heavily on your faith in knowing you’re beautifully and wonderfully made.

If you’re in it right now

If you’re reading this because the weight is sitting on you today, as on a Tuesday-afternoon, can’t-catch-your-breath kind of heavy, I don’t have a five-step plan for you, I can gently invite you to The Pause, a free 15-minute guided reset I created for those moments. A reminder to take fifteen minutes for you.

Where this connects

The weight rarely shows up by itself. Sometimes it’s tangled up with how loudly, or quietly, you’ve been letting yourself speak. If that’s you, be the voice, speak truth is where I write about a very low place I was in at that time. Maybe it’s fear keeping you from digging into yourself, which is more where grow with mindful practice lives. How about when the weight is what’s been keeping you from receiving love because you haven’t been offering it to yourself? I spent years, literally, trying to find the words for a piece on love. This is where agape love was finally the space I allowed myself to release another layer of weight I’d been carrying.

Keep reading in The Weight

• The Guilt Trap ~ Does It Serve You? On sitting with yourself long enough to question where and why guilt may be trying to take up too much space in your life.
• Funks Don’t Last Always. Greater Purpose Is On The Horizon. Written from inside a low season, which has not always been an easy thing for me to do.
• Insecurities Are Knocking, Courage Required, Now Answer. On answering the door instead of pretending you’re not home, literally and figuratively.
• Honor Your Gift Of Life. What an amazing gift it is to know that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made.
• Love The Flaws You’re In. On flaws being universal, not a stamp specifically curated for any of us. We’re all human and flaws are here to stay.
• Self-Doubt Is a Liar Wrapped In Fear. Deliver It Eviction Papers. Fear, the baseline…
• Embrace The Dark Side, Shadows Fear Truth. Love Light. I remember looking into my shadow side and having many questions. I wrote this while in that space.

Take your time, there’s no rush. We’re all in this together, this thing called life. I often ask questions for reflection. How are you feeling right now?